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Atlantic City: Whatta Dump!

Posted in Exploits, Reviews by Felix Tibs on the July 17th, 2007
dscn1182.jpg Atlantic City is also known as NYC’s playground. This is true, sure, if your idea of a playground is glass bits instead of gravel and a slide with razor blades down the chute. AC is a travesty of what was supposed to be a redevelopment of a struggling ocean front community. The casinos have sprouted up everywhere and offer a superficial feeling of safety and comfort. However walk a mere 200 feet from any casino and you will enter a poverty stricken urban blight that will strip you of your cash faster than the casino. It is a real shame because of all the possibility inherit to the land. So here is to you AC, the only place where you can spend 2000 dollars and be happy to go home.
  • AC boasts a beautiful view of the sprawling ghetto from your 30th floor deluxe suite. See how many boarded up windows you can spot.
  • If you ever lose all your money gambling, just remember you can walk down nearly any street and ‘gank a ho for her loot’
  • Do-rags are considered formal wear and acceptable at most high class casinos
  • If you ever get lost ask one of the friendly residents for assistance. Just make sure you bring a can of pepper spray when they will inevitably attempt to rape yo ass.

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  • TripAdivsor recommends to “bring a gun” when staying at the lovely Travelodge in nearby Absecon
  • Stabbings have been up 200% ever since Leroy’s House-O-Shanks opened up on the boardwalk.
  • Finding a cop is rarer then actually hitting a winning payoff at a casino
  • Atlantic City’s idea of fine dining is your choice of meat on a stick, wafllized food item, anything drenched in nacho cheese, or a filthy pickle. YUMMERZ!
  • Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum is actually pretty fucking awesome….believe it or not!

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  • Taxi cabs are a great way to go, except they charge 50 cents a minute and drive 10 MPH. Therefore a 1 mile drive costs roughly 25 dollars.
  • Job opportunities are limited to either casino employee, surly construction worker, or vagrant.
  • Do not be disaapointed when the big act you came down to see looks depressed: His car was broken into when he ran into liquor store to get a pack of butts.
  • The only faster way to lose your money than playing casino games is to walk 50 feet outside of the casino…and get mugged.
  • Push cart with seats are the boardwalks taxi service. This is great as long as you do not mind sitting in vomit and smell the breath of your clearly intoxicated ‘driver’.
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