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You have tried it all but to no avail. Your 6 month subscription to furryfriends.com has yielded some horror stories to tell your friends but little more. Your friday night consists of sleeping, licking you own butt, gnawing on priceless antiques, and marveling at your own feces. When are you gonna stop wasting time chasing your own tail and start chasing some one elses?

If this sounds like you well then you are in luck! No longer will you waste hour after hour paging through fake thumbnails of teenage bitches in heat. Forget about the money and time wasted sitting at the bar waiting for Mr. Right to come trotting in with his tail wagging high in the air. You too can find the unmistakable stench of love as simply as you discovered that half eaten tuna fish sandwich behind the couch!! Worry no more my staunchy little mates, we have three words that will change your life : Animal Friends Network.

The Animal Friends Network was created for todays busy, hard working mammal. We know you do not have the time to go farming on the weekend so we bring the farm to you: The animal farm that is! Our all inclusive plan will bring you snout to snout with eligible hogs, stallions, ducks, geese, rodents of various forms, and so much more! No more embarassing blind dates with what you thought would be a stud but it ended up being nearly a pony: our age check vertifier gaurantees that!

Still skeptical about finding your true love? Burned by other online services who guaranteed results bet left you wallowing in your filth? Perhaps these testimonials will help convince you that the Animal Friends Network is the only way to go!

One week searching the Animal Friends Network yielded an unlikely and equally unseperable pair of lovers. Meet Yappy and Chinty, the only chimpanzee terrier couple we know of! Chinty is head chef at Chez Glongolds where he serves up his delicacy pan seared dookie in a honey chipotle glaze. Yappy on the other hand is Snausages spokesdog and is currently touring Malaysia attempting to market their new treat “Chunk-o-Bitz”.

Who would have thought two different species could have so many traits in common? TC McCrunchers is a fun loving squirell who loves climbing trees and stamping his feet on the ground rhytmically. Tanya Fritz is a dance major from Hofstra and works choreographs out intricate dance moves to his stamping! The two met almost 6 months ago and we hear wedding bells in the near future! Did we mention TC was also the great, great, great grandson of Beethoven (the dog)!

Ted had just about resigned himself to a life of solitude. His routine became boring: wake up, sniff obsessively, scurry about idiotically, chew on a nourishment rod or two, then hide in a plastic igloo for 12 hours. Things changed when Ted met Chandra and his life has taken on new meaning! Chandra brings a much needed joy into his life, carrying him places in her mouth and batting him around playfully. Ted is a new rodent and has decided to persue his life long dream of becoming an actor on a poorly regarded sitcom.

Meet Bertrand and Henrietta. Bertrand is a loveable pig who enjoys eating his own crap, sleeping in garbage, and ignoring the fly’s buzzing around his swollen stomach. He is currently attending Harvard working on his second PhD in Neuroscience. Henrietta is a lively fowl who loves to flock off and have a good time! Her optimistic smile and bright yellow feathers can detract from this motivated self starter real attributes. Before owning her own line of beauty salons, Henrietta was North America’s leading distributor of bath mat hooks.

True love does not do any justice when speaking about Cheyenne and Calvin. These two unlikely mates met each other through Animal Friends Network and never looked back. So far they have skied the Alps, travelled to Europe twice, climbed Mt. Everest, and even opened their own gym! Cheyenne is certified strength and conditioning coach and in her off time she enjoys pooping on peoples lawns. Calvin is an out of work lawn mower mechanic but expect another wacky “hare-brained” scheme from this lil critter any day now!

So before you decide to cancel your 4H club membership and head for pasture, consider the benefits of what the AFN can do for you.  Why spend your nights spinniny incessantly in your mouse wheel when true love is right around the corner? Still not 100% convinced, well then stay tuned to Eyunta.com for more exciting updates in the wild world of  the Animal Friends Network!